Religion, page 4
Religion in General
Why religions exist, why they so often speak to us like a Parent, and how to answer them as an Adult and a friend.
What this section covers
The Stoicism pages looked at a philosophy. This section turns to religion. It begins here, with religion in general: why it exists, how it tends to speak to us, and how we can answer. Then it looks at the four largest religions one at a time, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism, followed by other living traditions such as Judaism and Sikhism, and finally the smaller paths such as the Quakers and the Baha’i Faith.
Every religion is looked at in the same way, using three labels:
Wise
What holds up and can be tested in experience.
Questionable or story
Beliefs taken on faith, and legends best enjoyed as stories.
Harmful
Where teachings have been used to hurt people.
This page explains why we sort religion this way, and why doing so need not be an attack on anyone’s faith.
The heart of it
This section looks at religion in general, then the four largest religions, then other traditions and smaller paths, sorting each into what is wise, what is questionable or story, and what is harmful.
Why religions exist
About three out of every four people on earth belong to a religion. Something so widespread and so lasting must be meeting real human needs. It is worth naming them honestly before saying anything critical, because they are good needs, and religion has often met them well.
Meaning
Religion answers the great questions: Why are we here? What matters? What happens when we die? Even when its answers cannot be proven, they give life a shape and a direction.
Community
A congregation is a ready-made family: people who know your name, bring food when you are sick, and gather around you at weddings and funerals.
Comfort
In grief, illness, and fear, religion offers hope, prayer, and the sense of not being alone. Few things comfort a frightened person as deeply.
Moral guidance
Religions teach honesty, kindness, generosity, and self-control, and pass these on to children in stories they remember for life.
A sense of the sacred
Religion keeps alive the feeling of awe and reverence: that life is a gift, and that there is something greater than ourselves.
Ritual and beauty
Religion marks the great moments of life with ceremony, and has given the world much of its finest music, art, and architecture.
The heart of it
Religions exist because they meet real needs: meaning, community, comfort, moral guidance, a sense of the sacred, and ritual and beauty. Any honest look at religion should start there.
Religion as Parent
On our home page, we described three voices inside the Ego: the Parent with its rules, the Child with its feelings, and the Adult who thinks things through. That picture helps explain how religion works in people’s lives.
A religion very often speaks to its members the way a Parent speaks to a Child. It tells us what to believe and how to behave, and it speaks with authority: this is true because God says so, because the scripture says so, because the church says so. The members, in turn, are expected to listen and obey the way children do.
Why this can feel good
A good parent gives a child security, belonging, clear rules, and love. Religion can do the same. In a confusing world, it is a great relief to be told what is true and what is right, and to know you belong to a family that will care for you. For many people, especially in hard times, this is exactly what they need.
Why it can also confine
But a Parent that never lets the child grow up becomes a prison. When a religion forbids questions, punishes doubt, or uses fear of hell, guilt, or shunning to keep members in line, it keeps grown men and women in the role of children. They may give up their own judgment, feel ashamed of honest questions, or stay silent when something seems wrong.
A good parent wants the child to grow up
The best parents raise children who can one day think for themselves. The best religious traditions do the same: they welcome questions, respect conscience, and trust their members to become Adults. Many religious people relate to their faith in exactly this grown-up way. The problem is not religion itself, but the Parent that will not let go.
The heart of it
Religion often speaks like a Parent and treats its members as Children. That can give security and belonging, but it confines when it forbids questions. A good parent, and a good religion, wants its children to grow up.
Double-speak
One of the most confusing things about religion is that it often seems to say two opposite things at once. There are two main kinds of double-speak, and it helps to recognize both.
1. Saying one thing and doing another
A religion may promise freedom of thought, love, or peace, and then act in the opposite way. The Baha’i Faith, for example, teaches the independent investigation of truth as a founding principle, yet members who follow their search to a different conclusion can be declared “Covenant-breakers” and shunned. The Quran says there is no compulsion in religion, yet several Muslim-majority countries punish leaving Islam with prison or death. Christianity teaches “love your enemies,” yet Christian history includes crusades, inquisitions, and religious wars.
This is the Parent speaking two ways at once: “Think for yourself,” and “But only if you agree with me.”
2. Many voices under one name
Every large religion is really many religions sharing a name. Christianity alone has thousands of denominations, from Catholic and Orthodox to Baptist, Pentecostal, and Quaker, and they contradict one another on important questions, from who may be a minister to what happens after death. Islam has its Sunni and Shia branches, Buddhism its many schools, and Hinduism its countless traditions.
So when someone says “this religion teaches,” it may mean opposite things depending on who is speaking. A kind teaching from one group and a harsh one from another can both claim the same name and the same scripture.
What the Adult asks
Faced with double-speak, the Adult asks simple questions. Which group is speaking, and on whose authority? Does this group’s practice match its own teaching? And what actually happens to people who disagree? The answers usually reveal far more than the official statements.
The heart of it
Religions often say one thing and do another, and many groups speak under one name. Ask who is speaking, whether their practice matches their teaching, and what happens to those who disagree.
Answering as an Adult
Answering a religion as an Adult does not mean rebelling against it, which is simply the Child fighting the Parent. Nor does it mean swallowing everything, which is the Child obeying. It means calmly looking at each teaching on its own merits and sorting it.
Wise teachings are kept with gratitude, wherever they come from. Questionable or story teachings are held lightly: some may be true, some are beautiful as stories, and none need to be forced on anyone. Harmful teachings are named plainly, however old or sacred they are said to be.
A few questions help with the sorting:
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Does it hold up?
Can it be tested in experience, or does it only work if you already believe it?
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Does it make people kinder?
Look at its fruit. Does following this teaching produce more love, honesty, and fairness, or more fear, pride, and division?
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Would I accept it from another religion?
If a different faith made the same claim, would I find it convincing? This one question clears away a great deal of noise.
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Who benefits if I believe it?
A teaching that mainly increases the power or wealth of those in charge deserves a careful second look.
This is the same sorting the Stoicism pages did for philosophy, and the same one Deepermind does with its three kinds of belief: verified fact, false inference, and what we hold because it gives life meaning.
The heart of it
Neither rebel nor obey. Sort calmly: keep what is wise, hold stories lightly, and name what harms. Ask whether it holds up, whether it makes people kinder, whether you would accept it from another faith, and who benefits.
Being a friend of a religion
There is one more possibility that many people never consider. We can be a friend of a religion without needing to settle whether we believe it.
A friend of a religion respects its people and never mocks what they hold sacred. A friend learns from its wisdom and borrows its best practices with gratitude, perhaps its prayers, its silence, or its songs. A friend can join in its beauty: sitting in on a service, singing carols at Christmas, sharing a meal to break the fast during Ramadan, or lighting lamps at Diwali. And a friend stays honest: not pretending to believe what they do not, but not making a point of their doubts either.
This is how many of us relate to a great piece of music, a beloved book, or an old family tradition. We do not need to decide whether every word is literally true to be moved by it, to learn from it, and to be grateful for it.
Being a friend also leaves us free. A friend can admire what is good in a religion and still speak honestly about what harms, the way a true friend tells you the truth. The pages that follow try to do exactly that, one religion at a time.
The heart of it
You can be a friend of a religion without settling belief: respect its people, learn from its wisdom, join in its beauty, and stay honest, including about what harms.
Continue
The next page begins with the largest religion in the world, Christianity, with more than two billion followers. It looks at what is wise in the teachings of Jesus, what is questionable or story, and where Christianity has caused harm.